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Ive reached the climax of this novel, [entries|friends|calendar]
now its time to kill off the characters...

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[09 Dec 2006|03:45pm]
New york city was amazing, simply put. i had so much fun with everyone.
I'm in love with him, i'm tired and i miss new york:)!
curb stomp

[26 Nov 2006|01:17pm]


curb stomp

[21 Oct 2006|07:50pm]
i miss eric martin pelly.
curb stomp

[13 Oct 2006|07:04am]
when we lost josh last year, i thought that was going to be the one loss i'd have to go through to get through high school, and less than a year later i lose one of my best friends. When josh died, there was something to learn from, something that we'd all remember to not do. and now, we're all sitting here in pain over something that was completely out of everyones control.. Pelly was one of the most perfect people i knew, he was always going to church, playing rugby and hockey, teaching and learning from everyone.. and now he's gone. Taken from us. .
(ill continue this real soon)
1curb stomp

[28 Sep 2006|09:25pm]
i fucking miss him
i do.
I'm tired of acting like its okay, because its not.
it fucking kills me that he can for the last what, i guess four years feed me this bullshit, how he'll always care about me, how no matter who hes with i'll always be above that.
and now, i don't get those texts everyday or those phone calls. in actuality i try to talk to him, and i get all the wrong responses.. I didn't just spend the last 6 months constantly fighting for nothing. i just hope that he'll understand what hes ruined.
i can't move on, i try.. i do but i just realize everything i miss, and how everything we have is so much better than what i can get.

i hate love.
1curb stomp

[18 Aug 2006|01:39pm]
I'm at my house in colorado having an absolutely grand time... Yeah right. Well before I left I was sick with a two week long headache and an extremely bad swollen sore throat. It got so bad since I've been here I passed out because my throat swelled shut... Anyways I somewhat got my schedule and. I can't see who else has same classes so if you have any of the same or know anyonetell me. 1st sem. Math. Chem. Chem a days gym b. Lit. Comp media. Tv prod. American something. Lunch. 9th all. Study hall. Comp.
curb stomp

[31 Jul 2006|11:22pm]
I'm on this almost everyday, but i haven't posted anything since before school was out.
i'm alive, if anyone was wondering.

i hate men.
and 14 year old sluts.

i like three people.
ma ro. scottie. and bill.
the end.
curb stomp

[29 May 2006|06:49pm]
i like my boyfriend, summers almost here, and schools almost out.
lifes good.
curb stomp

[10 May 2006|07:39am]
[ mood | crushed ]

i can't even sit here and type this
but i know he deserves every prayer or thought he can get.

ive never cried so much.
i can't even look at my friends let alone talk to them
i can't imagine what pat and john are going to go through.

i've been crying on and off since 9 yesterday morning and i've never felt so empty.
we all knew it was going to happen sooner or later, i just can't even bear to think that someone could have prevented this...

i hate how hes gone and he can still make us cry, and how he used to lick my face, and squeeze me so tight i couldn't breathe. and his hives hoodie...
how marie and jenny would fight over him all of the time. and his smackers chapstick.

i just don't understand. josh russell tarkington could never die...

December 3, 1987 - May 9, 2006
we all love and miss you, forever...

4curb stomp

and i swear in that moment, we were infinite... [12 Apr 2006|04:19pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

So here i am, in south carolina :)!. its been a long day so far and its only 4:20.
i got here about 15 minutes early and my sister was already going to be a little late because she had class and it takes like 45 minutes to get to the airport from campus.
i love it here
i would never go to school here, i don't really like the south that much, but it seriously is such a nice campus and i've already been out on the lake and wakeboarded and layed out.

i miss girlfriend a ton, i can't wait to see her when we both get home.
Jens in class right now so i'm in the apartment for a while shes at class because i didnt really want to go sit through two classes.
i'm hanging out with jen's roomate and jen's old friend brian from her freshman year... she doesn't even talk to him anymore, but i told him i was coming down and he decided to start talking to her again. hes loved me ever since i told his roomate off freshman year, he will always love me for that.
anyways. after jen gets back from class we're going to TD's for some food with brian and then tailgating and then the baseball game. Clemson is rated top in the country for baseball so its a big deal around here and everyone gets almost as hyped up as the football games, but not quite. then we're going out to a party or something,  my sisters 21 so she doesnt party much anymore they're just always at the bar now. but then we're going downtown to get subs at 2 in the morning with all her drunk friends.

i love south carolina.

" and all the books you've read have been read by other people. and all the songs you've loved have been heard by other people. and that girl that's pretty to you is pretty to other people. and you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing unity.
its like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. and other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. and all you want is to feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you're happy too.
i just remembered what made me think of all this. i'm going to write it down because maybe if i do i won't have to think about it. and i wont get upset. but the thing is that i can hear sam and craig having sex, and for the first time in my life,an i can understand the end of that poem.
and i never wanted to. you have to believe me...."

oh and i saw the most beautiful sunrise this morning, i almost cried it was so gorgeous.

curb stomp

[08 Apr 2006|09:08pm]
So I'm in the car on my way to the lake watching laguna beach on my ipod and talking to amanda while typing this...I leave for south carolina on tuesday. I am sosososososososo excited.. Its hard to type on this bitch so I'm cutting this short. Ill write when I get home.

EDIT: Girlfriend leaves tomorrow for florida :(.

                             Far away, I feel your beating heart
                  All alone, beneathe the crystal stars
                            Staring into space, what a lonely face
                                     I'll try to find my place with you
                                            What a Beautiful smile
                                Can I stay for a while
                                        On this beautiful night
                                                    We'll make everything right
                                           My beautiful love

                                                           Larger then the moon, my love for you
                                   Worlds collide, as heaven pulls us through
                                        The secret of the world is written in the stars
                       I'm carrying your heart in mine

                                    What a Beautiful smile
                                             Can I stay for a while
                                                        On this beautiful night
                                                           We'll make everything all right
                                                  My beautiful love

                                                 Maybe a greater thing will happen
                         Maybe all will see
                                        Maybe our love will catch like fire
                                                As is burns through me

                                     What a Beautiful smile
                                 Can I stay for a while
                                       On this beautiful night
                                     We'll make everything all right
                                                    My Beautiful love
curb stomp

[05 Apr 2006|10:50pm]
[ mood | hot ]

I leave in 7 days.. exactly this time next week, i will be in south carolina getting ready to go out with my sister and boyfriend and husband. i miss all of them...

the weathers been terrible all week and we haven't gotten out on the water for practice yet this week... Tomorrow hopefully we'll be out even though it'll be really cold... i'm staying home from school tomorrow and going shopping with my mom for south carolina... 
I'm probably not even going to make it there. like i'm going to find my way around the airport by myself? i think not...

anyways i'm going up to canada to see my boys soon. i miss them so much.
three fo six fer sure.

8 miles on.

curb stomp

I saw you break here inside my hands... [19 Mar 2006|12:57pm]
[ mood | curious ]

What a week!. my dad got home on thursday and so i went to the airport from practice to get him. We went to eat and then robinson mall, it was fun and good to talk to him about things. He gets the offer tomorrow sometime so hopefully it'll be good enough to leave pittsburgh. Friday i just chilled for a while, i was really tired like normal so i watched hotel rwanda till 830ish and then brian came over and we watched water world, i'm not sure why but we did. Saturday i got up for practice and not much else. it turned out to be a gorgeous day [probably because ryan came home ;):)]... So i slept and watched movies all day saturday and when night came, Ese came over.. I missed him, so much.
things happened, words were said, and it came to an end.
then me and my kids headed down to southside where i pretty much slept in the car the entire time.
we stopped at enp on the way home and talked for a while and i went home and talked to ryan and davis and watched 8th and ocean and law and order all night while everyone else went to kestins house. I had to get up really early this morning and go to docherty for a few hours and now here i am.

tomorrow is what i've been waiting for, and i simply cannot wait.
and uh.

1curb stomp

[12 Mar 2006|03:47pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Friday night was kim's party. it was a lot of fun, practice saturday morning was hell, we had all eaten so much shit all through the night that we all were getting sick at practice... saturday i just hung out most of the day and then girlfriend came over and we watched a few movies...

is it bad that i'm so excited to move? am i missing something here?
my sister just called from school in south carolina, she was out on the boat about to wakeboard and she called to brag about how nice it is there.  85 and extremely sunny. i can't wait untill i go. a month and two days.

i'm really looking forward to tuesday, my dad will be in omaha at in interview and hopefully will accept the job there.

oh yeah, i got my hair cut on friday, and it shows how lame i am, i cried the whole way home and i only got an inch off.

"so i guess this is where i tell you what i learned- my conclusion, right? well, my conclusion is: hate is baggage. lifes too short to be pissed off all of the time. its just not worth it. derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. he says someone else has already said it best. so if you can't top it, steal it from them and go out strong. so i picked a guy i thought you'd like. "we are not enemies, but friends. we must not be enemies. though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. the mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, the better angels of our nature..."

7curb stomp

eahjshfkjshkjhfajh! [09 Mar 2006|07:34pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

I'm all excited, i've got so much to say!
this week has been great, honestly its the best i've had in such a long time...
i went to the penguins game and sat front row right behind our goal and then talked to sid and malone after the game. it was awesome.
just when i thought my dad was going to take the job here in pittsburgh, today happens :) :) :)

sooo, i get home from practice today and he goes, when do you want to leave? i was puzzled and he was like. i'm going to omaha on tuesday
they're already looking at houses and stuff on bennington lake which is right out of omaha and i'd go to whatever school i want. probably just omaha public schools cause thats where i went.
i want to live on a lake again where i can wakeboard all of the time and stuff, and row.
you can all come visit!

life is good.


just kidding, i love it here too.

1curb stomp

I said I'd wait around till you need me... [05 Mar 2006|12:28am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

i had an awesome fucking morning and afternoon.
thank all of you that ruined it.

and do you see why i dont fucking trust people?
yeah stop giving me all that bullshit of how i should trust you because you're such a good person, you're a fucking coward.

i'm tired of being so fucking depressed and mad all of the time.

i just want one night that's free of doubt and sadness
one night that i can really feel...

curb stomp

all the clowns in clowntown [28 Feb 2006|08:03am]
I LOVE YOU MARIE MARIE MARIE MARIE!@*&#(*^$*@&*(#&@*&$^&*#^$*&#&%(^#&$#*&^$&#^$#&^$*#^$&@(#@&%*&^#&*$^#*&^#&$

2curb stomp

i dont know what i want [27 Feb 2006|08:24pm]
[ mood | sick ]


Harrison looks like hes 10, i look drunk, and eric... oh god...

7curb stomp

i dont know what i want [26 Feb 2006|05:48pm]
[ mood | sick ]

when i've been sick in the past, i've never felt like i was going to die.
i feel like i'm going to die.
my throats bleeding and everything hurts.

winter go away.

2curb stomp

you're too young to be this empty girl [04 Feb 2006|04:11pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

friday night was good, real good. i saw so many of my friends that i've lost touch with. i was extremely excited to see max, we hung out almost everyday this summer and when we finally stopped going back to the lake for the year we didnt really keep it together. i saw all my favourites and steve... brian came home from school this weekend and so he took em and i. we left even before transition played because i was near flipping out with all the people and being touched so much. so we left. he wasnt paying attention and accidently got on mcknight the wrong way and somehow we ended up in the heart of downtown and pretty much lost. went to enp then home.

i want everything back, everything i've ever lost. i want my boyfriend to be home, and i want things back to normal. i dont want to move anymore..

people fear what they dont understand.



I'm sorry i pushed you away from everything we had, even me.

i couldnt ask you to wait forever

but that doesnt mean that my feelings have changed, everyday your face is clearer.

regret is the burden i'll carry from here to my grave. this distance is the knife in my heart.

let her know the treasure she has.

don't let her make my mistakes.

forever is never too long to wait for something perfect,

       i'll be here.

            love always..



curb stomp

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